Face-to-Face with Laurie Pinard

Hi, my name is Laurie and I live with mental illness. My story is about hope. My story is about the fight. I’m a 44 year old woman who has fought my way back to health from the edge of despair and darkness. I lost everything I had and I almost lost my life. I am here to give hope to anyone who suffers with mental illness that it is possible to get well and lead a fulfilling, productive life.

I used to have a big life but lost it all – my career in politics, my money, my possessions and most of my relationships due to mental illness. I suffered for years from bipolar disorder until I hit rock bottom in 2009. I have tried to commit suicide more than once and was hospitalized numerous times. It wasn’t until my 40’s that I admitted I needed help and sought it.

I never believed I could get better. I never believed in hope or the possibility of a healthy existence. All I saw was darkness. My mind didn’t work. My body was in constant pain. I was a broken person. How could it be possible that I could ever get better? Well, I proved myself wrong and slowly but surely began to get my health and sanity back.

The road to wellness began slowly. As each day progressed I put one foot in front of the other and made progress towards stability. Some of the help I received included a great psychiatrist, an incredible therapist, the loving support of my parents, a steady regime of nutritional supplements, a great deal of restful sleep, and lots of physical exercise. However, the single most important element of my recovery was me. I decided to finally take responsibility for every aspect of my life, my illness, my recovery, my treatment – absolutely everything. It was this decision to face my fears and choose to live instead of giving into the darkness that made the difference in my recovery.  I decided to change my attitude from being a victim of this illness to being an advocate of healthy living despite having a mental illness disability.

Responsibility meant working harder than I’ve ever worked before. It meant getting up when I didn’t want to. It meant facing fears I was terrified of. It meant pushing myself despite the hardships. The key to my health and recovery was accepting responsibility and fighting for a life I dreamed of. I wanted to be healthy, strong, and independent and I wanted to thrive. The only way I was going to achieve those goals was to fight – fight, fight, fight!

Today I am proud to say I’m a running instructor who motivates others. I’ve also returned to university in the field of social work. I want to become a social worker to help others like me who struggle with mental illness challenges. I still have bipolar disorder but today I have learned how to live with it and create a life I thrive at. Each day is still hard, but since deciding to face my fears and embrace difficult challenges I have developed the strength to work with my disability and face life head-on. Anyone, absolutely anyone can come back from the depths of despair to live and thrive. I did.