Stephen was one of the 54 people nominated to become a national Face of Mental Illness as part of MIAW.
He writes:
Religion or Delusion?
I understand the difficulty in drawing the line between religion and delusion. I have had a hard time with delusions that are a part of my psychosis, and I have experienced the benefits of religion that are a part of my faith. Unfortunately for us, there is sometimes a murky zone where the two overlap.
Navigating through this confused area, we are guided by the desire to keep the best parts of our faith while avoiding the worst parts of our illness.
The question becomes "How can you tell if a particular belief is born of your faith or your psychosis?"
First of all, some type of treatment regime is necessary to treat the psychosis. Often, I have found that I leave my delusions behind me as my mind responds to treatment.
Part of my treatment plan has included at times - in addition to medications and support from health care professionals - supportive discussions with priests and nuns (I am Catholic).
But I have something shocking to say. Would you believe that my experience with schizophrenia has brought me to a deeper understanding of God?
In the midst of one psychotic episode, while living within so many delusions, and beneath their paranoia, one Sister spoke gently to me. I was in the midst of fear, engaged in behaviours because I believed that if I didn't, something horrible would happen, believing that God was saying "Do this, or else!"
I do not remember her name, but I remember what she said.
"God's Spirit does not sound like that..."
She was asking me to abandon my delusions and the behaviours they forced from me, and with them, those religious beliefs that intimidate me and force me to comply.
I now see a God who possesses great humility, and comes not as an intimidating force over us, but, instead, comes as the nurturing power within us.
And when I see that I am loved, and that there is something within me that is worth loving, I hold onto it.
I pray that you will too.
with Love,
Stephen
I can totally relate. I was diagnosed 9 years ago with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Clinical Depression. In this time my illness went into remission with the help of medication2 times and now I am iving out what feals like a jail sentence while I wait for the right med combo that will help me hlp myself into remission again. I struggle alot with my beliefs as I feel angry that God is allowing me to suffer so much and for so long. I know that when I come out of it I will realize that this is just a delusion but right now its how I feel and then there's the guilt for feeling this way. Thank you for ssharing your experience. I wish you a lifetime of remission. Love Alicia
ReplyDeleteSome may say that suffering is a mystery and perhaps from some distant and abstract view point, we can agree. For we can never really answer why.
ReplyDeleteBut in the midst of it, suffering is filled with sorrow and is a difficult weight to carry. If we can understand this, how much more then does God understand?
My wish for you too Alicia is a lifetime of wellness. I hope too that there is a close friend to be with you now. And I pray you find the medication you need.
with Love,
Stephen
Coming up on Sat. October 3rd, many Christians will come together to openly share their experiences of mental illness, whether as consumers, family members, friends, etc. It is afull day event in Fredericton, New Brunswick. My mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia. She resisted the idea of seeing a psychiatrist so her illness went untreated for many years. I am so glad this issue is coming out in the open!!
ReplyDeleteLouise